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Neither Grumbling Nor Disputing

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.” - Philippians 2:14-18

1) According to the apostle Paul grumbling and disputing is a display of spiritual impurity. Think about that for a moment, ask yourself “do I grumble and do I dispute with people?” If so it is a sign of impurity. And a sign that a Christian or a group of Christians are not holding fast to the word of life (to Jesus Christ Himself). Furthermore it dims the light that shines out of a Christian, or out from groups of Christians.

Which light or lack thereof, is being observed by the people around us, referred to by Paul as “the crooked generations.”

2) Furthermore, Paul compares the faith of a church to a sacrificial offering. And his own life laid down is compared to a drink offering poured out upon that offering.

This reminds me of the Great Day of the feast. Jesus Christ calls all men “come unto me all who are thirsty and drink” and then “whoever believes in me out of his belly will flow”. Himself being that drink of living water poured out. John 7:37-38. Those who believe being the faith/ the offering. Jesus’ life being the drink offering, like the water libation poured out Or the blood sprinkled on the sacrifice.

And to the point of this article, we ought not make these “sacrifices” and “offerings” impure by grumbling against others or by pointless disputing with anyone.

Only Pure “waters” are to flow out of resurrected believers by the Holy Spirit. And they are to remain pure.

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What is Toxic Positivity and Hyper-Optimism?

Toxic Positivity at Work and Church

I’ve experienced a type of positivity on past jobs and at certain past churches that I think are truly toxic. Positivity and optimism is not necessarily and always a good thing. If it were we’d have seen Jesus Christ teach that and live that out. Jesus shows us a balance of reality based optimism, conflict and correction. Jesus frequently and lovingly acknowledges negative things, things that cause anger, and things that badly need to change. Which sometimes sounded very negative, insulting and emotional. Humanity needs correction and conflict. Correction is unavoidable wherever love is present.

I’ve experienced work cultures where all expressions of dissatisfaction, frustrations or conflict are not only ignored, disregarded, but were even punished.

It’s is commonly seen with strongly hierarchical groups with insecure leaders. They aren’t able to solve the problems, so the next best thing is to silence all reference and natural reaction to them.

Extreme positivity and hyper-optimism is deceptive because it is hard for most everyone to see optimism as a negative trait. It disarms people and sometimes ushers us into a delusional view of situations and people.

It is easy to conclude that overly negative and pessimistic people are toxic. But not very positive people.

Toxic positivity is a positivity mindset that goes beyond healthy optimism into a sort of required group-think. It is an attempt to control people with extroverted positivity. Those who don’t agree with the positivity itself or resist the control that they are feeling then become the scapegoated problem in the group. When those who dont agree are often the very people who can help the group or leader the most. Sometimes Jesus speaks through outsiders and through non-conformists. Sometimes Jesus MUST speak through the non-conforming because the conforming ones just won’t listen to the Lord within. They prefer to silsten to someone else.

Toxic positivity is stubborn in that it insists on dominating. This is seen when it unfriends and cold-shoulders those who disagree or don’t jump on board with the same way of thinking. It cold-shoulders people who do not match the person’s or a group’s way of thinking. The only option for the non conformers becomes remaining distant, shallow and silent or simply leaving the group.

Toxic positivity causes people to avoid and desperately try to control conflict, even healthy and godly conflict. Which was so common in the NT. So it can result in unfriending. I think I’ve even seen it cause or contribute to divorce, and this is one of the reasons I label it toxic. It is so divisive, it delays or prevents positive change and it can even become a form of phychological abuse.

Extreme positivity in churches has become one fruit of the word of faith gospel that was so popular in the 1990s. It is harmful and toxic to many expressions of love and Christian fellowship. Equally as harmful as is complaining, pessimism, and negativity. In a sense it can become a form of passive aggressive abuse.

Toxic positivity in a church setting is an indication of many things but I think the most important is that it indicates that leadership and the people misunderstand the gospel of the kingdom. They think they have to engineer the church, stifle all negativity and they misundertand childlike happiness with the joy of the Holy Spirit.

Some Psychological Studies

Now take these studies with a grain of salt. I put much more value on the words of Christ than I do psychological studies. I don’t put much stock in the present-day practice of psychology because I think it was largely destroyed years ago by governments and politics. And has become something largely unhelpful through the decades. An extension of the pharmaceutical lobby. Ignoring sound science to redefine psychological maladies for political or pharamceutical purposes. But… that does not discount the sound science and of every psychological study. Some are very helpful and psychology when done without ulterior motives can be very helpful.

Here is a psychological study of positivity and it’s link to mania:

http://gruberpeplab.com/pdf/Gruber.Johnson.Oveis.Keltner_2008_Risk%20Mania%20Positive%20Emo.pdf

Similarly, some research suggests that emotional regulation (always being positive) for some people can be harmful see: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2020-03346-001.html

Similar content The Gospel of Judas

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How to Improve Christian Fellowship with Conflict

There is a strong and well-known connection between fellowship and conflict, between love and conflict.

If you cruise around YouTube listening to sermons, we can hear some dreadful and harmful-to-Christ teachings being taught in churches. Teachings which also conflict with one another.

A good deal of false teaching which are mixed in with some of the most wonderful and glorious teachings. Teachings which are changing lives and are undoing wickedness in communities all over the earth.

I believe a big reason this mixture goes on unchallenged is that we are not really in fellowship with one another. We are segregated based on pet-peeve doctrines. Most church leaders are isolated and are trained to be so in seminary. Or trained to be so by the former generation’s on the job training. Trained to hide behind their small collections of truth. We tend to major on what we are convinced is true then use that truth to judge and beat up on our brothers and sisters who emphasize something else. Seminarians who surround themselves with their personal amen corner of buddies. Corners which are just big enough to eek out a salary, yet small enough to not have to deal with much of any real conflict.

Limited and inadequate knowledge of Jesus Christ is the massive price that we pay for this segregation.

When some day we want to be biblical, then together we will know the mind of Christ. One man teaching alone every week needs to, at very minimum, be in fellowship with others doing the same. And the congregations need to be mixed up, the Baptists with the Pentecostals, the Lutherans with the independent charismatics.

Not too long ago I heard and older pastor say “a lot of people don’t like my son”, who had recently taken over as the pastor of his church and then said, “if you don’t like him go listen to someone else”

This attitude of agree, keep silent or or get out is one of the most divisive ways of thinking that can exist in the church today. It spreads and has filled the political culture of our nation in cancel culture. It is evil, it thinks it must dominate others who disagree and it is an attitude of short sighted group-think and abandonment.

Some day I predict that the Baptists will routinely be arguing and fellowshipping with the independent Pentecostals, who will be arguing and fellowshipping with the Lutherans, and the Catholics, and the Wesleyans, and every other flavor. And we will know how to do it without hating and abandoning one another or driving one another.

Then I predict we will sell our fancy religious buildings and do great works of God with our money instead.

The sin of isolation and denominationalism causes us to teach poorly and remain in the dark regarding knowledge of much of Christ.

Can We Embrace Conflict to improve Fellowship?

I believe we can greatly enhance our fellowship by specifically embracing fellowship. But we must be taught how to approach conflict and how to react to conflict.

The chief motive needs to be the pursuit of truth. All conflict must be tolerated if and under the condition that we want to come to know the truth. Attitudes of I must be right or I don’t want to be wrong must be banished out loud and repeatedly. Also, accusatory attitudes which seek to shame someone must not be tolerated. Resentment also results from accusations which cause someone accused to behave defensively. Then the conflict becomes fight back from the attack mentality. And the pursuit of truth gets lost to the battle.

But if conflict is encouranged and taught from leaders. Then the groundwork is set.

Another things that must be taught is how to react when people defeat you in conflict. Some people are good debaters, other people are lousy debaters. That often has little on whether they are correct or not. Mistaken people can sometimes out-debate people with great wisdom and knowledge. But they should not always win the conflict, this is very important. And this is where other people must step in and help guide the conflict.

I have won debates before that I later reflected I was totally wrong. And vice versa I’ve given up on a conflict because the person got so hostile I cared more about the friendship than I did on winning the debate.

If you are leading Christian teams in conflict I suggest openly and often teaching the following.

  • Conflict is good and we should do it more.
  • Losing conflict is normal and ok.
  • It is ok if people are wrong or mistaken, we do not accuse one another of evil if we believe they are wrong.
  • Conflict is a powerful tool to come to the knowledge of truth, in a ecclesia/ church setting it is intended for the purpose of knowing Jesus Christ.
  • Conflict is also useful in rooting out deception and strongholds which hold us all back.
  • Knowing Jesus Christ in a variety of ways is the most important thing a Christian community set out to do.
  • Strong debaters are required to periodically stand down when they are dominating others.
  • Weak debaters are required to periodically stand their ground when they believe they have a strong point but are not communicating it well.
  • After every conflict both parties are required to thank the other for a good debate and remind one another of knowing Jesus Christ is the chief aim.

What do you think about conflict, comment below!

for more content on conflict

Here is a great teaching on YouTube by Patrick Lencioni on conflict

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