Gossip Is Like Poison
Dave Ramsey said in his entreleadership blog post here that gossip is like poison.
A few years ago I was visiting friends where we were gossiping about a certain person, (myself included unfortunately.)
At one point during the conversation I said “yeah and I am the only person who has ever called this person out on their behavior, I am the only person who cares enough to actually say something to them”. Which was true, I have gone to this person before in an attempt to call them out.
In response to this: “Yeah but there is no point in saying something to them…they are never going to change”
That struck me, it was then that I realized the foundation of gossip. The foundation of gossip is abandonment, she might as well said “I don’t care about them and, I dont care enough about them to help them change.” Long-term gossips don’t really want people to change, I think they need people to feel superior too.
I felt discouraged after I left my friend’s house. This conversation had broken down respect and trust in the people I was talking to. And still the person we were talking about had not changed.
Gossip is a relationship poison which spreads like wild-fire in organizations from top down. It doesn’t only poison the victims but also the gossips.
Three Antidotes
If you are a gossip yourself or hate to see gossip here are three antidotes to this poison. Anyone can learn to use them.
- Go to the people being gossiped about and gently ask them rather than talk about them. If your relationship is too shallow to do this then there really is no point in discussing further. It is a waste of time and energy. Begin to care about how you spend your time and energy.
- Shoot it down when it starts, this takes a little courage and might start a fight, Dave Ramsey does this in his organization by immediately calling the victim into the room. He starts to ask them about the issue openly.
- Simply walk away, this is the easiest tactic that most people use to stop gossip. If done right this can be very effective.
In any case it takes self-respect and insistence on openness to stop gossip both in yourself and in others.
