If you’re a Christian like me you have experienced negative things at churches. It’s normal and expected if we are to actually fellowship with other human beings. In this world there will be trouble. I think Frank Viola once said “where two or more are gathered together…there will be trouble.”

In the past I’ve been blindsided by pastors and other powerful people at churches unexpectedly. But I could have seen it coming had I been paying attention or listening to the Holy Spirit.

I share this post for the young and inexperienced Christian. The advice most people receive when becoming a Christian is to “start attending a bible believing church, attend every service and start giving 10% to it.” This advice I believe is vague and incomplete and can open up the young Christian to abuse. Depending on where they decide to attend. This post is my replacement for that advice to the young Christian.

Church can be wonderful experience but be careful, when we begin to love a particular church, that love can exist for unhealthy reasons. The church could be satisfying something in us that should not be satisfied at all. It could be teaching deception that we normally would be letting go of, if you were listening to the Spirit.

It could have people we might want to, or are getting into inappropriate relationships with (I’ve seen this happen, even with pastors.)

All of the above can exist in places we call church, and we’d be far better off avoiding.

Our emotions about a particular church or ministry or as in most cases, a particular pastor. Should not be a factor in deciding to fellowship intimately with a group of Christians. Being led by emotion is immature and unnecessary.

There are objective qualities about a ministry that can be useful to see quickly. Not necessarily as justification for breaking fellowship but to be used as a red flag. Perhaps a warning to protect ourselves and our families from a particular dysfunctional or toxic man or leader or ministry.

Three major red flags about a Christian ministry:

• One person as the supreme influencer of a group of Christians. Other alpha males need not apply. In fact only beta males are welcome, alphas can send their wives and children but they are encouraged to stifle themselves if they come. I don’t care how wonderful this supreme person is, only Jesus Christ is qualified to occupy this position in a Christian fellowship. The one person can be the pastor or some behind the scenes person, either way …RUN away. Even if you think you want that in your life, meet that need elsewhere because it’s the number one sign that a Christian fellowship is not actually following Jesus Christ. But are instead bored with him and want some powerful personalities to give them a social experience they crave.
• Everyone’s rank and status in a ministry or church is defined and measured by their relationship to one or two holders of power. Not a healthy place.
• Gossip occurs during the sermons, the preacher thinks if I have mic I have license to say anything (very common).
• Jesus Christ is rarely mentioned, only at the ends of prayers. Instead teachings about self-help, getting money, making the world a better place and all the like, justified with proof-texted bible verses, dominate the speaking. Watch out, if you need or want all that, get it at the library or online. There are people who specialize at this and don’t try to mix it with pretend spiritually.

To reiterate, don’t necessarily leave or break fellowship with a place like this if you are already there. Maybe you can help them, but at least protect yourself and your family from the psychological abuse that can happen in a place like this.

If you have to leave to protect yourself then look for ministries and churches with the following traits.

• Obsession with knowing Jesus Christ.
• Healthy non-hierarchical power structures.
• Friendships supported during meetings.
• No gossip occurs during the sermon.
• Frequent and a varied types of meetings.
• Meetings where everyone and anyone are taught to and expected to share with one another.
• Money flows to the needy in the congregation and out of the congregation, (doesn’t just flow up to the elites or supreme one on top.)

Look for these traits and don’t care about numbers of people or the quality of the building they gather in. Don’t care about powerful personalities to mesmerize you in a weekly sermon. It’s just not necessary, that is mostly just religious entertainment.

You as a child of God can do better, Jesus has better for you, don’t settle.

If you absolutely cannot find this, look harder, or relocate to where you can. Or prayerfully wait for the Lord to bring you this type of fellowship of Christians. Maybe he’ll even use you to help plant one like this in your town. But be sure to wait on him for that, everyone does not have permission from God to plant churches. And Christians do need one another, we should gather together often in a healthy way.